You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
