it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
