tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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