Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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