I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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