She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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