did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
