im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
