how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
