It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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