Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
