4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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