I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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