We're facebook friends in real life
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
