If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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