her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the day after is always just damage control
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
