so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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