you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
