Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
