he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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