im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize