my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
