Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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