Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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