put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
His nipple licking is glorious
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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