Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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