I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
