I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
