I'm gonna have a badass scar
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
