i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
