she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
