I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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