His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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