That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
