The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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