That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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