Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
