I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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