just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
