I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
