Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
