he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
