i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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