I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
