Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this will be a night to untag.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
