So drunk its hurt
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
