My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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