This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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