she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
