I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
