Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
