If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
