if you like me you must not know who I am
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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