I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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