I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
