I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
