Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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