I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
