My room smells like vodka and shame
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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