Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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