There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
