When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He passed out mid-signature
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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