Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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