But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
