Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
