He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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