Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
