Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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