bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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